Waaahmbulance Time

Today sucked.  (Start dialing, Gregory.  Yes, I am having a waaahmbulance moment.  I'm allowed to have those now and then.)

As I was saying, today sucked.  I'm not fond of June (too many ugly anniversaries).  Add humidity and heat and some really bad sleep and you have a perfect storm that wreaks havoc on me physically and mentally.  My body hurts so much and I am so tired.  It takes so much energy just to sit at a desk...and that just isn't right!  I hate humidity.  I hate it.  And if we have/had this conversation in winter I would say I hate the cold - hate it.  I don't use that word lightly - hate.  But headaches, joints that don't seem to work right, intensified general and overall pain - and then go to work and have to be pleasant to your coworkers.  Oh!  And don't forget that you must also deal with requests for information from government types who have no clue and meanwhile get done all the things you are supposed to get done that day.  Tell me if that won't affect you mentally or emotionally.
I have the right to complain sometimes and how often do I?  Here, I mean.  When's the last time I complained more or less publicly for even my grandmother to read?  Nope.  If I whine, I save it for my mother and very, very few friends because supposedly they know best or can at least tolerate my waaahmbulance moments.  But I still censor myself and don't say anything because I have yet to discover any real empathy - not sympathy - empathy.  No healthy person can really "get it."  I am always in pain.  100% of my days and nights I feel pain.
So, I'm taking a moment right now to vent...and sadly it is most likely that the only people who will see this are those same couple people who ever get to hear anything like this anyway.  But maybe it is better that way.  I don't want pity.  I don't to be treated with kid gloves.  I just don't want my...surviving...to be taken for granted.  I get up and go to work every day dragging my body behind me and worrying that I will look as pathetic as I feel because I need a place to live and food to eat and so does Samson.  Really all I want is to stay home and take care of the house, pet the dog, and take care of myself.
Is that so selfish?  I doubt it.  Can't be selfish to want to take care of yourself when the only other living being around to care for is a dog and really, he doesn't require much.  If there was another or were others living with me who also need care...I'd probably be too busy not taking care of myself to worry about being selfish.  It's my way, doubt it not.

For those of you who are oh so very confused by the waaahmbulance reference, this should clear it up.

I guess I have that out of my system now.  I can go on watching Hannity on FoxNews and thinking about how I ate too much for dinner.  Probably will head to bed soon.