I try to pray every morning. Sometimes I don't manage to make it happen quite like I intend, but I try. This morning, during that morning prayer, I prayed for "physical fortitude." I do generally pray for strength either physical or emotional to get through the day. Perhaps this morning I was thinking of the probable snow shoveling in my future. The words, though, stuck in my mind for some reason. Physical fortitude. What made me pray that? I don't usually pray for that specifically. Strength, yes, but "physical fortitude," not so much. So I've been thinking about it today...
First I remembered a reading from church on Sunday. It was from Paul's second letter to the Corinthians (and I just noticed how similar that is to my name...I might have to research that next). In chapter 12, Paul writes about a "thorn in the flesh" that plagued him causing pain or discomfort and ultimately keeping him humbled. I wonder what that "thorn" must have been. It's a moment in scripture that always makes me think of my own health struggles - the "thorns" in my own flesh. Paul writes, "Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me" (2 Corinthians 12:8 NASB). How many times have I prayed for God to take away my health problems! Before any kind of diagnoses, I was praying that prayer
a lot. When I look back now, it sure feels like a lot of wasted breath. Today, that prayer is more about management or tolerance and prayers for complete healing are reserved for more temporary conditions. I don't recall at what point I gave up praying for complete healing. I'm pretty sure it was long after Paul's mere three requests! I must not be quite as smart as Paul.
It's what Paul suggests is the reason for his affliction that catches my attention, though. He describes it as "a messenger of Satan" intended to keep him humble and prevent him from becoming proud of himself (verse 7b). Interesting theory. Certainly, having your physical capability limited by something more or less outside your control does have an uncanny ability to keep you humble. I can speak from experience on this. Waking up never quite sure how much energy or strength I'll have does require a leap of faith out of that bed in the morning. I still struggle with asking other people for help with things I used to be able to do myself with no problem. Pretty sure the thorns in my flesh are there specifically to make me humble enough to ask for help instead of trying to always do everything and by myself...I sort of suck at learning that lesson.
But there's another reason for having a chronic "thorn in the flesh" that goes well beyond me, myself, and I.
Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:10 NASB)
I have always felt that besides the lessons I have to learn, having to deal with all my health "stuff" puts me into a position to be an example (among other roles) for the people around me. That's a little more intimidating an idea than just learning by myself to be patient and humble! And that's where that morning prayer comes in handy again. I want to be a good example. I pray for that just as regularly as the prayer for strength. I don't claim to be on par with Job or Paul, but if I can be half the example they each are, perhaps I'm doing some good somewhere for someone. And then maybe all this was not for no reason.
On a whim, I looked up "fortitude" in a couple places. Dictionary.com says fortitude is "mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty, adversity, danger, or temptation courageously." When I went looking to see if the word is in the Bible, I didn't find it exactly. It may be somewhere in some translations, but when I searched the NIV and NASB versions, Biblegateway.com gave me this verse from Isaiah instead as there were no direct matches.
He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He did not open His mouth; Like a lamb that is led to slaughter, And like a sheep that is silent before its shearers, So He did not open His mouth. (Isaiah 53:7 NASB)
It is referring to Jesus' trial where he said nothing in response to his accusers. That, I think, would certainly require more than a little bit of fortitude! To endure and do so quietly without complaining or arguing or fighting against what/who oppresses and afflicts? How many of us can say we have that kind of fortitude?! I can't. I complain and whine and argue at God for the things He allows to go down in my life. Thank God I'm allowed to do that (even if it isn't always right that I do). See, no matter how frustrated I might be with my health (the cold hurts, my sleep isn't restful 99% of the time, et cetera, so on and so forth), Jesus endured much, much worse. Who am I to complain about the thorns in my flesh compared to the thorns pressed into his scalp? Talk about a dose of perspective!
So, where does all this thinking get me? It gets me feeling humbled compared to when I woke up this morning, for one. It reminds me that less than perfect health is not a curse. Maybe it can even be a blessing and if not to me then to someone else. Mostly it refreshes my acceptance of whatever physical struggles I might endure. I think that along with wisdom (see a previous post), I will also be adding fortitude to my regular prayers - fortitude of all shapes and sizes - so that when I am weak, I can be strong.
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