Patience is a virtue...or a superpower.

My siblings would probably say that I'm (and I quote from their childhood) "picky and mean."  And I tell the new hires I work with that I'm only picky and mean because the government makes me be that way - I'm just the messenger.  But I am very often told by folks (outside the family, anyway) that I'm "so patient!"  (Note to non-grammarians: the exclamation point is inside the quotation marks because it's part of the quote.  It would be outside the quotations if it was meant to make the sentence as a whole on the exclamation.  Just saying.)  Am I?  Did I keep from calling anyone stupid?  Did I stay all day instead of packing up and going home only a couple hours in out of sheer frustration?  So far as I recall, I did not call anyone any rude names or words, and I have witnesses who can attest to the fact I remained all day.  I know I joked, laughed, chatted, smiled, reassured, wished well, et cetera.

...In my head I was screaming something along the lines of "MAKE IT STOP!!!"

Most of the time, grinning and bearing it, being polite when I'd much rather ask someone how they managed to survive this long, and in general be nice when I feel anything but just makes me tired and feels like an expenditure of energy far from worth it.  But there are moments when I think maybe, at least for other people, it is worth it.  I can think of few other places where I come around a corner and hear my name called out in a sort of "nice to see you" way or people smile and wave from across the room.  I've heard from people themselves or from third parties about this fabled and inordinate amount of patience it's rumored I have.

Ninety percent of the time I haven't the foggiest idea of who it is calling out or waving to me beyond the fact that it is someone whom I assisted with the process on their first day.  I'm afraid it would horribly disappoint most of them to find out I don't remember who they are or the life story they told me.  Worse yet would be to realize how little interest I had, how frustrated I actually was, maybe even how tired it left me.  It is a strange thing to me that anyone would want to seek out the person who is so closely associated with the incredibly daunting process through which I have to get these people and their paperwork, let alone be happy to see her.  Perhaps I'm too much an introvert to wrap my mind around these things.  Perhaps I'm too cynical or just too tired.  But it does take the edge of the tiredness and frustration to have sometimes entire groups of people cheerily greet me or have someone go out of their way to stop by and say "hi" just because he or she saw me from across the way.

Perhaps, I mean just maybe, maybe I am better at what I do even than I realized.  Still rather certain I'm too tired and cynical, though, so I don't think I'll get too excited over my near rock star status in our Omaha office, not at this juncture anyway.  And, while there is evidence that I am serving a purpose for others, I see little evidence of doing myself any favors.  I will buy the idea that at least some days patience is a virtue I have.  If it turns out to even be the superpower it's purported I have...I deny it completely.  Superpowers invite arch nemeses, and...Hey...Wait a minute...There might be evidence for this after all.  But if you go around telling everyone, I'm confiscating your decoder ring and kicking you out of the fan club.