Today's Friday?

First the beginning of the week feels like it should be the end. Now the end of the week feels like it should be more like the middle! I must have no concept of time and space -- some freaky Star Trek effect! :p

When I kill a computer I really kill a computer! My laptop was in overnight surgery two days in a row this week. I got a "blue screen of death" one morning and was having trouble with Java not working. Poor IT! I keep giving them work to do. Apparently the "blue screen of death" was caused by my failing hard drive. They were able to copy all my stuff onto a new one and replace the bad one. Brain surgery!

I'm tired and sore. I have a paper due tomorrow for school and I really really need to just take it easy for once...maybe later I guess. :/

Happy Weekend!

It's only Tuesday!?

Ugh! Feels more like Thursday to me. My physical therapist and a friend at work both told me I need to relax/rest more. I can't argue with that, but the more work I miss, the less I get paid and the less sick time I have for just-in-case. I have been managing somewhere between 6-7 hours...with the exception of today: a lovely 5 and a half...or so. Maybe just shy of 6 -- either way, not enough. The one day I worked about 8 hours I ended up feeling like I'd been hit in the gut by a truck...a truck that proceeded to run over the rest of me. Had a lot of pain today and hung in there probably too long.

I still can't believe it's only Tuesday...if it weren't that would mean I missed my favorite shows all week, though. :)

The heater is running.

You wouldn't think so, but it's actually a little bit cool...probably because I have the patio door open. Samson was getting annoying whining at me every time I shut the door. Easier to get homework done if the dog isn't whimpering at your lap. Now the homework is done and the dog has wandered into another room and my legs are getting cold...and the heater is running.

I came home from leading Bible study to find dryer sheets and dryer lint all over the floor. I guess I hadn't gotten the laundry room door shut and Samson had started emptying the trash from in there. That was annoying. That'll teach me to not remember to shut doors...that and my legs getting cold.

Tonight's Bible study was the last of three. Now I have a week off and then we start the next set of three. Had to reschedule the second of those, though, so I'll get another week in between the first and second. After that series of three is done, though, I won't be leading Bible study for a while. I need to focus on health and school.

The class I'm in now is half done. The last day is February 16th. The first day of the next class is February 17th. Oy. I was hoping for a little breathing room, but I guess I'll just have to suck it up and keep going.

Have you ever seen the show "Cities of the Underworld" on the History Channel? It's so cool! Tonight they are in Egypt going through tunnels under the pyramids and under a Roman stronghold in Cairo. Amazing!! Did you know the Romans "borrowed" limestone slabs from the pyramids to form the base of their stronghold? Those crazy Romans! I love this show! :)

A weekend comes to an end.

It's so depressing the weekend is over. Just when I was starting to enjoy it, too!
I don't remember what I did yesterday...oh, yeah. Laundry and a nap. Woohoo. I'm such a party animal.
Today Andrew's Reserves Unit had "family day" so Andrea and I drove out there to eat food and listen to some people talk about insurance for soldiers and their families. That was exciting. :p Who can pass up free food?!
Well, I should have. When I got home I worked on homework. Then a friend took me for dinner. I ate little, but it was good...so were the 3 glasses (small glasses, I promise) of wine. I'm not generally a wine drinker, but that stuff was good! So, I was plenty relaxed by the time I got home. Which was good. I'm so seldom relaxed in the first place.
Got home, posted my homework (which was finished before I left for dinner) and proceeded to prepare for my Bible study tomorrow night. Now I'm just waiting for Andrew to scan a map of Ephesus for me. Then all I have to do is copy it into my Bible passages document and that's all good to go.
Guess all that's left to do after that is shower and go to bed...I suppose that means I have to go to work tomorrow...if I stay awake does that mean tomorrow won't come and I won't have to go to work? Isn't that what some people tell kids? "The sooner you go to bed, the sooner Santa will come!" Lies! All of it! Darn it! :p

Bank of America is on thin ice with me.

Every time I turn around they are doing stupid things to my account. Today I found out they changed my savings account into a checking account saying I made too many "withdrawals" which apparently is the same thing as a transfer. And to fix it, I have to go into a branch and fuss at someone in person. The online rep could only say, "I'm sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused you" and "I would feel the same if I was in your place". It was so irritating! I think he said both of those about 3 times each! If it wasn't such a pain in the ass I'd have switched banks already. He said I would have to close the one account and open a new savings account if I want a savings account. Nice. Wasn't collecting that much interest anyway...until I had a lot more money in it. *shakes head* Stupid!

Takin' a break

I'm letting my brain take 5 from homework...and then I'm going to watch TV while I try writing 200-300 words about theories of learning. Not a good idea? Maybe not, but I rock at multi-tasking! :p

I'm so glad the week is almost done. By Thursday I am so incredibly tired I have to drag my sorry *** through Friday so I can "relax" the weekend away.

I opted out of the choir's last obligation before Lent (middle of February). It always breaks my heart to say "I can't" to singing in church, but I know I just will not be able to handle it. I hope that will just make the subsequent opportunities that much richer.

I just tried to use the phone to turn on the TV...I should have taken a nap when I got home from work today...or maybe I just need to eat something. :p

Yes, I should be asleep.

Yes, I'm an idiot. Yes, I should be asleep. It's been a long an somewhat stupid day. Brace yourselves. I'm going to whine for a little bit.

Today began by my getting absolutely lousy sleep last night. Then it took almost half an hour to get the rollers out of my hair. Work could have been worse. Got stuff done, spent an hour and a half at a pointless meeting and got fed for the effort. Yup. I ate this afternoon. Maybe the flat 7-Up I drank while eating the pizza helped keep my stomach from freaking out. Of course no matter what my stomach is doing, my headaches are on their own schedule. My back has been giving me all sorts of fits ever since I went back to work. So I got to work about 45 minutes late and left shy of 7 hours later. Drug my sorry tired self to Walmart to pick up meds and managed to forget all sorts of things I was going to pick up while I was there. I did remember to go pay a bill that was about a week late because I'd forgotten it. Finally got home. Exhausted. Took the dog for a walk while dusk was turning to dark. Definitely hurting by the time I got back here. Samson was a very good boy on the walk, though, so that helped. Started working on homework and making dinner. Dinner didn't agree with me. The homework took too long because I'm a dork and was watching the SciFi Channel while I was trying to write. So I got the writing done and thinking it was pretty good for taking 3 hours of "Ghost Hunters" to write it...and the internet wasn't working. Foul language did nothing for getting the internet to work on my computer. It didn't help get it to work on Andrew's either. I used my cell phone to post a message to my instructor on the classroom forum. That was at 11:53 p.m. My homework needed to be posted no later than 11:59. I posted my cell phone note and went to shut down my laptop. And, wouldn't you know the internet is working. (more foul language). So I got logged back on the class website, replied to my cell phone message to let the instructor know the irony of the situation and posted my homework at 12:01 a.m.

I'm tired and cranky and getting really pissed about all the ways this wonderful thing we call technology has been messing with me lately.

And, yes, I should be asleep.

One day at a time!

So Alberto the IT guy is my new hero! He was able to fix my computer without losing a single item except for the worm. It must have been a boa constrictor because it took him all day yesterday and a couple hours today to kill it dead and get rid of the body! :)

I'm missing out on choir again tonight. My back is hurting pretty bad and my stomach has been a little worse today than the last few. Not sure what the difference is except I ate some SunChips this afternoon. All other things being equal...yeah. They tasted darn good, though!

Took Samson for a walk when I got home which didn't help my condition, but he had a blast! He got to say 'hi' too some kids who thought he was cute. He's a flirt. They were girls.

Hard to believe it's Tuesday, the inauguration is said and done and January only has one and a half weeks left...I think I'll just eat some frozen pizza (don't worry I baked it first and no, I don't care if it will bother my stomach) and watch TV. Maybe I'll forget how much fun I'm having while time is flying by the way it is. :p

Sundays

I love Sundays...mostly. Especially since I'm now well enough to be going to church again! I just about cried this morning when I got there it has been so long (not counting singing last week)! Going to church always helps me feel more relaxed and calm inside. I guess word had been getting around I haven't been well because people seemed really happy to see me and some said they've been praying for me. Must be working! :)
The praise band was up this morning. They did an awesome job. There was one song with a guitar interlude (there are 3 guitarists) and they did an amazing job. God has truly blessed my church's congregation with some of the most talented musicians I've ever known!
Today was also what we call BibleFest Sunday. That's where all the people leading Bible studies sit at tables displaying their study information and have sign-up sheets, etc. Since it was a balmy 75 degrees or so, we all sat outside. It was beautiful. And the service was playing on the speakers outside, too, so we could hear it pretty well. It added to the atmosphere.
I did leave early from church, though. I was starting to have too much pain. It was so distracting I felt like I was missing out on parts of the service. But, at least I was there!!! That's success to me!

So, that "mostly" comment? The one and only thing I don't like about Sundays is knowing I have to go to work the next day. Feels like I finally started to relax and now I have to get keyed back up to get through another week -- especially lately.
Oh well! Se la vie! I have homework to do.

Technical Difficulties

Ugh! My laptop is having issues. Last night it said I had a virus or something and promptly shut itself off. Now it won't log in all the way. Super. It is my work computer, too, so I imagine IT will be impressed with me Monday morning. I will have to use someone else's computer to log in and submit the help ticket to IT.
The coolest thing about this is that I have homework to do this weekend and I actually spend a decent amount of time on the computer checking e-mail and trying to diagnose myself using medical websites (actually we get a health newsletter at work and the most recent lists a bunch of "trusted" websites I want to check out).
Luckily, Andrew will be gone all day today and most of tomorrow, so he said I could use his computer while he's not here.
In the meantime, put my computer in your prayers! I'm so worried all my stuff will end up disappearing!

Almost there!

I've almost made it to Friday! It's right around the corner. This week kicked my schedule straight from 0-60 in, like, well...fast! Monday I returned to work and followed that up with leading Bible study and then submitting my final homework for week 1 of my current online class. Tuesday worked but was too wiped to go to choir (luckily no homework due). Worked yesterday, too and then made dinner for Andrew, Andrea and myself. Followed that up with homework. Today I worked 7 hours and am now working on dishes, on the internet, getting ready to make dinner and have homework to do tonight, too. I'm surprised I've lasted this long. I think I just ignore my health and keep going anyway. No wonder I'm exhausted! Saturday some guys are coming to clean the ductwork in the house. Hopefully not breathing in dust bunnies all the time will also help improve my health! *fingers crossed* Ugh! I should be sitting down!

Health 3

I've worked 2 days in a row now. Woohoo? They switched me to hourly until I'm back up to my full and regular schedule. Yesterday 7 hours. Today 5 and a half. Sunday I sang with the choir at church and last night after work I led a Bible Study. I walked the dog when I got home around 4:15. Safe to say I now feel like garbage. I'm not going to choir rehearsal tonight in the hopes I'll be okay to work tomorrow. I'm running out of sick time, so I need to work as much as possible to accrue more. I refuse to use vacation time to be sick. That just wouldn't be right! My boss suggested I could come in and work on Saturday to help make up some time and work some on Sunday to build up time for next week. Honestly, I'm afraid I'll be lucky to make it to Saturday intact. There's no way I could work 7 days a week even if it was just a couple hours at a shot.

Oh, and still no word on that bloodwork from last week. I'll have to call them again tomorrow or something. It should have been long enough by now.

Update 2, Health 2 :p

Test results on the two ultrasounds came today. So glad I went through half a week from h-e-l-l for negative/normal results. I guess that could be considered a good thing...if I wasn't still having symptoms. Blood work wasn't back yet, so... For now they are telling me to just keep doing what I'm doing until my followup appointment in a month. Because digestive problems are just that much fun!!!!! :/
I wonder how possible it really could be that this is all about the foods I eat and the anxiety in my life. Truly, if anxiety was the cause of all my problems I'd have been far more ill years or even months ago! And the same foods I've been eating my whole life suddenly don't agree with my stomach? That just doesn't make sense to me. Someone please tell me if they understand it, 'cuz I sure don't!

Update from Health 2

Didn't hear anything about the test results today. Now the pleasure of a whole weekend waiting for news. I'm supposed to try work again on Monday. Haven't been doing well since Wednesday, so this may be interesting. *fingers crossed*

Regarding Faith...

Know anyone who has serious doubts about the Christian faith? I point everyone in the direction of Lee Strobel's research. An atheist turned Christian after researching the science and historicity behind the Scriptures, he's written several books documenting his research. Here's a link to his website which contains video interviews with experts in a range of fields and his personal testimony: http://www.leestrobel.com/. Even if you're already convinced Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life I promise you will find the information on this website very interesting!

Health 2

Today was rough! But, first, some background information...

Yesterday I had my appointment with the gastroenterologist. (I can spell that, but don't ask me to pronounce it!) They had me get blood drawn for more tests and ordered abdominal and pelvic ultrasounds. I was able to have the blood drawn yesterday right after the appointment. There's always a Sonora Quest Labs around when I need one! :)
Today I had the ultrasounds. Yesterday when they scheduled me it was "no food or drink 8 hours before the test." Okay. Check. Then I got there and the technician was, "Did you drink the water you were supposed to?" Huh? No. So she could only do the abdominal ultrasound. Okay. Survived that although it was uncomfortable as my abdomen has become so sensitive to the touch in the first place. Immediately following I had an appointment with my rheumatologist about my fibromyalgia. She poked about every sore part of my body -- which isn't difficult since I could probably count on one hand the parts that don't hurt. Then I was late for a group counseling session after which I had to deal with whether or not I'd been charged twice at the end of December. Turns out I was. Yea.
All that aside, I had to do the pelvic ultrasound this afternoon. I've never been sickened by the sight of water before, but I was today. I had to drink 32 to 40-some ounces of water between 1 and 1:30 for that ultrasound. I thought I was going to be sick. It only exacerbated 75% of my symptoms. I took a 2 hour nap earlier this evening trying to recover and escape from the tummy ache and pain. When I'm asleep it's the only time I don't feel pain or that (look out, technical term coming) "icky" feeling. Two hours of sleep and I still feel cruddy. I still don't want to drink a single drop of water. In fact, I'm not sure I want to drink a single drop of anything. I'm preparing to force myself to eat as I have literally had nothing all day and people tell me that is a bad thing.

I was supposed to try working again this afternoon which obviously didn't happen. Then I was supposed to try going back to work tomorrow. Under the advice of the HR lady who's been working with me and after the way I felt this afternoon I agreed with her and told them all 'thanks, but no thanks' for the rest of the week. I'll try again on Monday.

The good news is the doctor should have the results of most of the tests by Friday (Monday at the absolute latest for anything else). I'm hoping to hear Friday what the results are. On one hand I suppose it would be good if they found everything is okay/normal/negative...whatever. Personally, I want there to be something there. At this point I don't care too much what it is. I'm not being picky. I just want an answer. I'm a "need to know" kinda' gal. All this "mysterious illness" garbage has worn very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very thin with me.

*sigh* Better go put that chicken in the oven now. I'm sure it will taste better than it sounds...
HA Sounds like the chicken is making some kind of fuss over going in the oven! LOL
Oh well! Oh yeah! Better get my homework done, too (online class). Only have some 35 pages to read and comment on. *chanting* "I want to do this....I want to do this...I want to do this..."

Physical Therapy

Had to drive out to the boonies this morning for PT. That was fun since I was running late and it's about twice as far as where it used to be (my therapist has been temporarily transferred to another clinic while they try to fill an opening). The drive itself went faster than I expected. Freeway almost the entire way. Got some good vistas of the mountains around here, too. I go once a week (luckily always against instead of with rush hour traffic). It always helps me loosen up my muscles and relax some. I've had good PT's this go around. As long as insurance keeps paying for it, I keep going. It's practically the only thing my insurance wants to let me keep doing. That's one thing that worries me if/when I leave my current job. With the pre-existing condition(s) now, future insurance may be a pain in the butt to get.

Worth a try!

I attempted returning to work today just to see how it'd go if nothing else. Managed to get through half the day. I was right about how the lights would increase/intensify my headaches. It was tolerable for a while. I've also been sensitive to sound during my illness. That wasn't as bad as I expected it would be, but I was still affected. My biggest hurtles will be the stomach and back pain, and the exhaustion. I those 3 things just wouldn't let me tough it out anymore. My boss is worried I'm overdoing it by even trying to come to work. Problem is I can't afford not to. But he had a point: "We need you here, but we need you alive." Apparently I neglected to sign up for the short-term disability which would pay 60% of my salary. As it is, I'd only get $170. That's about one 8-hour day for me. Since I sort of require a roof, sustenance and the ability to pay all these darn medical bills I think I'd rather keep trying to go to work. With the new year comes new PTO time (5 days worth if I stay with the company for the whole year) and I think I still have a couple days sick time left. Luckily that rolls over. Anytime I manage to work I manage to accrue more sick and vacation time, so I try.

Well, I really should be taking a nap or something. I think I'll try eating something. I didn't even think about eating this morning to make sure I didn't feel like vomiting while I was at work. Tummy thinks I'm hungry, so I guess I should try to feed it!

Anger

I love the History Channel. There's far too much "worthless" knowledge in my head since I've been watching almost nothing but the History Channel while I've been sick.

Lately they've been running a series called "The Seven Deadly Sins" tracking the history of where the concept for each came from (they aren't listed like that in the Bible, you know) and how they were/are interpreted. Last night they showed "Anger" calling it the "deadliest" because it can lead to the others, to violence and to murder. Anyone who has anger management problems or even who doesn't take anger seriously would probably do well to watch this show. It expresses in an interesting and truthful way a perspective on anger, what it can do, when it's okay... I know what you're thinking (some of you anyway). "But, Corrine, that was the History Channel. They're secular and probably didn't show the real church teachings about anger." I'd have to say, "Wanna' bet?" There was an especially moving piece right at the end (an appropriate and surprising way to end the program). They interviewed an atheist man who had had anger problems all his life and refused to acknowledge them. He terrorized his family by yelling and throwing things. One day he ended up in the hospital where he had a near death experience. He was brought into hell where he was beaten savagely by a mob of people filled with rage and hate. He was fighting for his life. In the midst of the horror (a word which he says doesn't describe the experience) he started to pray for the first time in his life. At that moment a light appeared, drove away the mob and led him back to his hospital room where he saw his own body before "waking up." Since the experience he no longer has uncontrollable anger and rages and has become an strongly committed and active Christian going around to different churches and sharing his story. For the History Channel to end on such a religiously powerful note is a commendation to them for telling the whole story and not just dismissing the church's role in the development of human conscience.

I recommend people watch this series. It's been an eye opener.

Health

I wish I was independently wealthy. Then I could sit at home feeling cruddy without having to worry about bills, insurance, work, et cetera. The stress of worrying about those things only worsens being sick, then again, running back into work full tilt may very well do the same. :/

Puppy Class

Samson and I have been going to puppy training classes since I picked him up a month + ago. Next Saturday is the last one. He's done pretty good. Still needs to work on "stay" and "hush" and not jumping on company. But he does "sit" and "paw" and "come" pretty well. He's learning "down" and "rollover". Yesterday he started doing a new trick all on his own. He's catching tossed toys in the air like those dogs catching Frisbees on Animal Planet! It was pretty cool. So far he only does it with his squeaky AC/DC guitar. It was a lot of fun playing that game last night! And I don't have to get up and run around and wear myself out. It will be fun to keep expanding his repertoire of tricks and skills. I think whoever had Samson before I got him must have done some preliminary training because he has picked up on so many of these things really quickly...or maybe he's just that smart...until he runs into a wall with his rawhide hanging out of his mouth! :p

Too much cleaning!

Ugh! I'm so tired today. I stayed up late putting away laundry, sorting the clothes in my closet into my OCD little categories (still have one group of shirts left to sort), and watching (or listening to) the History channel and PBS. Nova is so cool! :) Today I vacuumed and got some more organizing done in my closet (still have those shirts to sort) and started some laundry. You'd think I'd know better since all the activity kicks my butt, but I do it anyway just because it makes me feel good mentally to have stuff sorted and put away. I have too much junk I need to get rid of. Anyone want to come spend a weekend (or longer) in Arizona helping me sort stuff out of my closet? :p Now's the perfect weather for a visit! Just 70-odd degrees during the day and cheerfully sunny!

Happy New Year!

Good Morning! And Happy New Year! Did we all stay up late in our separate parts of the world to ring in 2009? (Oy! That brought it home! Holy cow! 2009?!) Time flies when one is having so much fun, I guess. I decided to ignore the festivities altogether. Stayed home (wasn't feeling well anyway) and watched the History, Discovery and SciFi channels. SciFi was having a Twilight Zone marathon. I only caught one full episode. It was fascinating!

It was about a monster government (our own) who had "proven" there was no God and was "liquidating" all obsolete people. In the episode they had a librarian on trial. Because he could also make furniture they had left him alone "until now". Apparently they had destroyed all books because they were "frivolous" and supposedly did nothing but promote lies -- especially the Bible, this faux government said. So, because this librarian was insistent upon the value of books and especially the Bible, the government determined he was obsolete and an enemy of the state. They decided to execute him on live television. Their victims were allowed to choose the time, place and method of their "liquidation". The librarian chose a bomb and locked his judge (for lack of a better word) in his room with him. The idea was that the librarian was facing his death calmly and reading from the Bible (surrounded by innumerable books) while the government official panicked and begged to be let out of the room. In the last moment, the government guy added "for the love of God" to his plea. The librarian said, "Yes, for the love of God I will let you out." He did just that. After the way he behaved under the pressure, the government official was charged as obsolete and an embarrassment and was taken into custody to be liquidated himself.

I was fascinated by this story. The unabashed promotion of books, learning and especially the Bible mixed in with a radical warning against large government. Politically and religiously charged...I wish I had a copy of it to add to my growing collection of literary theory books!

Want to see this episode of "The Twilight Zone" for yourself? It's on CBS.com: http://www.cbs.com/classics/the_twilight_zone/. The title is "The Obsolete Man".